Am I being kind?

We are very excited at the moment because Hub has decided to retire early next July.  Although we still have some months to wait for this big event, and of course we do not want to wish our lives away, we are enjoying talking about how things will be different when he embarks on this new chapter in his life.

I was telling a colleague about this recently, and spoke about the wonderful holiday we have booked for next September by way of celebration and helping Hub to unwind.  We will be spending four weeks on the beautiful Scottish isles of Skye, Harris and Uist.

In the face of my enthusiasm about this news, what was her reaction?  She said that she would not advise being on those islands at that time of year because they are prone to bad weather then.

Be kind wherever possible.  It is always possible.

~ Dalai Lama

At the time, I was rather taken aback, but simply replied that we had holidayed on the islands in September previously, when we had experienced glorious, Mediterranean-like weather.

I have since reflected on why she might have come across so negatively.  I am sure she meant nothing by it as such, and probably did not even think about the implications of what she was saying.  However, for my part, this is a useful reminder about the power of our words.  We may consciously or unconsciously say something which has an unexpected impact on the receiver.  Most of the time, we would probably be horrified to know that we may have caused upset or offense.

How important, then, to bring to the forefront of our conscience an awareness of what we are thinking and saying.  In the grand scheme of things, do we really need to state what we believe to be facts?  How often can we be certain of the truths we claim to share?  More often than not, those things we view as ‘real’ and ‘true’ are nothing more than our own beliefs and opinions.

Of course, we should be honest.  We should act in ways which are congruent and authentic, in line with our core values.  This is not inconsistent with taking the trouble to consider how best to respond to things other people ask or tell us.

I am grateful to my colleague for the reminder of this invaluable lesson.  It is not always easy to pause and reflect in that split second before speaking.  I know that it is something I must try more often to do.

When the choice is to be right or to be kind, always make the choice that brings peace.

~ Dr Wayne Dyer

 

 

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24 thoughts on “Am I being kind?

  1. That is exciting! Let the fun begin!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Forget those thoughtless words and think forward to being together in those fabulous landscapes and surroundings for a whole lovely month. After all, we had monsoon conditions in Sussex – in June!! In my opinion thoughtless negative remarks show a lack of generosity of spirit and the speaker should be pitied! xx

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  3. Oh wow! Good on Steve! Will be interested to hear his plans for the future, once your fabulous-sounding holiday is over! I doubt your colleague meant to be a wet blanket, and maybe she had had a horrible time there one autumn. But you’re right, it’s thoughtless. I love the Dalai Lama’s quote. Though sadly in my case it would often end “…. except when you’re laughing too much even to try.”

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  4. 4 weeks in the Scottish Isles! Heavenly. And such a lovely way to celebrate and ease into retirement. As a rule I don’t think our ‘western’ cultures do enough to honor life transitions so good on you for doing so. And, yes, being kind, or learning to be kind in thought and deed, is something which needs constant vigilance. My son is very good at pulling me up on some of the words which fall out of my mouth before they have been properly filtered by my brain!!!

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    1. So glad you approve! And yes, engaging brain before opening mouth is something I have to work hard on too!! 🙂 x

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  5. This is a subject very close to my heart right now. Only today, after a very enlightening meeting, did I learn that although there are things I have recently said that were intended to protect and to show love, they may not have been received that way. As an impulsive, over-sharer of my own thoughts, I can hold my hand up to say that on occasion I will speak before my brain engages and then feel remorse on reflection. This has been a valuable lesson of which I will learn from and although it will take time and practice, I now understand the power of processing before engaging. (I just hope my face learns that lesson too)!

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    1. Thank you Rach – sending much love and hugs as ever xxx

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  6. Congratulations to your husband on his impending retirement and what a wonderful holiday you’ll have! Even if the weather is windy and rainy at times it will still be heavenly 🙂 I have wanted to go there for years!
    I live with two people who give their honest opinion whenever possible so I have learnt not to be shocked or hurt by what is said. Neither my husband nor my younger daughter mean to offend and when they realise they might have said something they shouldn’t they are full of remorse. Unfortunately they seem to be incapable of learning from their mistakes. It is a genetic thing I am sure, as my mother-in-law was the same. I am sorry your colleague upset you with her advice – she was probably unaware that she threw a metaphorical bucket of water over you!

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    1. Thank you, Clare. Nature plays a big part in all of this, doesn’t it – add in a bit of nurture and we don’t stand a chance!! 🙂

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  7. How wonderful your news. Husband retiring and starting it with a great holiday. She probably didn’t say it to be unkind but because of being jealous. I wouldn’t worry about it. I wouldn’t worry about it and look forward to it all. the joy before is almost a s good as the holiday itself. I’ve been on the Isle of Skye and it was fabulous, I loved it. Enjoy ti together!

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    1. Thank you, Ute! And yes, you can be sure that this episode will not spoil our lovely trip in any way!! 🙂 x

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Ha, well 4 weeks on those Scottish islands in September sounds heavenly to me – with or without rain! I agree with the sentiments behind your post, Liz. And how exciting that hubbie is embarking on this wonderful new chapter. Our move to Cornwall was a consequence of B retiring. We haven’t regretted it for a moment! Meanwhile, enjoy this glorious autumn!

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    1. Completely agree, Sandra! Even if we spend the whole time indoors looking out over misty hills and seas, that will in itself have its own beauty and bliss! 🙂 x

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  9. Liz you have been tagged in an Autumn Tag here: https://utesmile.wordpress.com/2016/10/13/autumn-tag/
    Hope you enjoy your Autumn!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Ute – and a very happy autumn to you too 🙂 x

      Liked by 1 person

  10. My husband and I both retired early by most people’s standards and have never regretted it for one minute! Your plan to go and spend a month relaxing and enjoying the freedom is inspired!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It sounds like you and your husband have an idyllic life enjoying together the things you love the most – you are an inspiration to the rest of us! 🙂 x

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  11. The Outer Hebrides was amazing, fabulous, unbelievable!!! And the weather was perfect!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Thanks for this post. A great reminder to us all.

    Liked by 1 person

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